Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
