Joe is yelling at the trees again.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
