you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
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i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
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I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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