Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
