i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
