She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
