hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
