I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
