WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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