I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
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i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
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He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
May the power of my ass compel you!!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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