That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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