I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
