Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
