I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
