Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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