toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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