Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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