I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
