Sry I called you an 8
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
