"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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