Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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