i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
