Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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