Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
