I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize