Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
