I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
