he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
