My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
