i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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