I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
His nipple licking is glorious
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