Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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