whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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