Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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