Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
