Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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