last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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