i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
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