My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
