i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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