So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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