I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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