3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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