Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
