you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
i now understand why vodka
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
