i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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