He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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