no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
