On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
