You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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