she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
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