I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
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