Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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