I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize