I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize