Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
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