im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
and you said cock pushups were impossible
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
