If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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