I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
