I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize