I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
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