so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
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If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
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I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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